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Little Antics
Aug. 28th, 2017 11:41 pmDahlia waited until she and Artemis had left the coffee shop before voicing the question that had occurred to her the moment she saw what the human had used to pay for their drinks. She nudged him with her shoulder as they rejoined Jarlaxle by the canal they’d been strolling along all morning.
“Since when do you spend enough to qualify for a Black Card?” The barest ghost of a smirk flickered across Artemis Entreri’s face as he shrugged and sipped at his coffee.
“I don’t.” The assassin nodded in Jarlaxle’s direction. “He does.” The drow looked bemused.
“Enjoy that while you have it. I’ll expect it back eventually.” Judging by the look on his face, Dahlia suspected the drow knew full well he would have to cancel the card altogether if he didn’t wanted Artemis to have it – making the mercenary pay for absolutely everything was the assassin’s favorite form of petty revenge. She looked between them as Artemis ignored the drow to breath in the scent of his coffee. A thought occurred to her then and she started to chuckle. She turned to Jarlaxle.
“Is this how you got him to wear that silly Christmas hat?” Jarlaxle flinched in sudden panic as Artemis’s eyes snapped up with a snarl.
“You showed her that picture?”
Jarlaxle dodged behind Dahlia, who laughed outright. She pulled out her phone, tapped through to her photos and turned the screen to the human. It was an old picture of Jarlaxle and Artemis, the drow’s head capped with an obnoxiously decorated Santa hat at a jaunty angle, arm sprawled across the human’s shoulder and grinning. The assassin wore a similar plain cap of green and an expression that made it clear he’d be tearing it off the second the photo was taken. The man before her snarled again at the sight and squinted around the woman to glare at the drow.
“Who else have you sent that to?”
Jarlaxle was trying very hard not to laugh from his position hunched behind Dahlia, but it was a losing battle and the elf woman had no plans to help him. She half turned to him with a wicked grin. The drow’s eyes widened dramatically. He mouthed a desperate “No!” to her and started trying to smother her mouth with his hands. She danced merrily out of his reach, turning to Artemis as she did so.
“Drizz’t – he sent it to Drizz’t!”
“You traitor!” Jarlaxle hissed at her, eyeing the assassin even as he began to back slowly away. Artemis took a deep breath, stared up at the sky for a moment, and then looked back to Dahlia. He handed her his cup of coffee.
“Hold this, please. I need to beat Jarlaxle.”
“Certainly!” Dahlia took his coffee and stepped out of the way as he immediately lunged at the drow, who squawked and quick-stepped out of his reach. She sipped happily at the assassin’s drink as the two men began to wrestle. Artemis kept trying to grab Jarlaxle’s hat – presumably to throw it in the canal they’d been walking along – but the drow was doing a fine job of avoiding his grabs.
Neither man was making much effort to fully avoid the café tables scattered along their path though, so the elf woman occupied herself with righting the furniture as the men rampaged through the area. She mused on how unlikely it had once been for Artemis to relax enough around either of them to goof off – even in such a rough fashion – and how glad she was for the change.
Still, Dahlia thought, best not to let it run too long. She knew Jarlaxle would eventually say something to set the assassin off and she didn’t particularly feel like dealing with a real fight. Jogging over to the relatively empty area where the two men had escalated to nearly sparring, she wondered if they’d cease their tussle if she simply asked. She opened her mouth to speak, but immediately paused, remembering a conversation she’d had with Jarlaxle the day before. A grin grew on her face. She set hers and the assassin’s drinks on the canal balustrade near the two and pulled her cell out again, setting it to call both of them at once.
She knew her number was one of the very few in Artemis’s phone that wasn’t silenced so he’d likely at least pause once he heard it, and Jarlaxle was near-religious about promptly checking his calls. She suspected the drow would also take the opportunity to scramble fully out of the other man’s reach.
Within a few seconds, both men’s phones rang out and they each started at the noise. Jarlaxle’s she recognized immediately. He’d set custom ringtones for the people he spoke to most and she’d heard hers before – Blank Space by Taylor Swift, a choice she’d decided to find amusing. Artemis always left his phone at the default, which is why he now looked thoroughly confused at what he was hearing. Dahlia giggled behind them, pleased the drow had gone through with the prank they’d discussed.
The assassin pulled his phone out of his pocket, to stare at it as Jarlaxle began cackling in utter glee. He spread his arms wide as if displaying a grand trick when the human looked up to him, incredulous.
“You changed my ringtone?” The drow shrugged through his laughter, finally silencing his own cell and tucking it back into his pocket.
“Well – it seemed appropriate – you do so love coffee.” He walked wide around the assassin’s reach as he spoke, coming over to Dahlia’s side where she was still chuckling.
“The Folger’s Jingle?!” The drow and the elf both laughed hard at that, leaned against each other for support. Artemis frowned down at his cell as it finally fell silent on its own.
“When did you do this?”
“This morning while you were in the shower.” Jarlaxle wiped a tear from his eye.
“You broke into my apartment.”
“Well – yes.” The drow looked as if he’d suddenly realized how much trouble he might be in, but to Dahlia’s eye the assassin still seemed more nonplussed than angry. Jarlaxle, having only just recently been welcomed back into the human’s presence, was apparently unwilling to risk it and pointed at Dahlia.
“It was her idea.” She tasked at him, shoving at his shoulder.
“All’s fair, my dear.” Jarlaxle wagged a finger at her. The elf grinned and laughed, but made no move to deny it as she stored her cell, picked up the forgotten drinks and handed Artemis his own. She was unconcerned at the potential for retaliation from the human – she knew it would come eventually, but was fully prepared to return the favor and begin the cycle anew. She chuckled at the light frown Artemis had turned on her. It turned into an outright glare as he discovered his cup was now empty. He cocked his head at Dahlia, who sipped from her own and winked at him over the rim.
“Thanks for the coffee.”
“Since when do you spend enough to qualify for a Black Card?” The barest ghost of a smirk flickered across Artemis Entreri’s face as he shrugged and sipped at his coffee.
“I don’t.” The assassin nodded in Jarlaxle’s direction. “He does.” The drow looked bemused.
“Enjoy that while you have it. I’ll expect it back eventually.” Judging by the look on his face, Dahlia suspected the drow knew full well he would have to cancel the card altogether if he didn’t wanted Artemis to have it – making the mercenary pay for absolutely everything was the assassin’s favorite form of petty revenge. She looked between them as Artemis ignored the drow to breath in the scent of his coffee. A thought occurred to her then and she started to chuckle. She turned to Jarlaxle.
“Is this how you got him to wear that silly Christmas hat?” Jarlaxle flinched in sudden panic as Artemis’s eyes snapped up with a snarl.
“You showed her that picture?”
Jarlaxle dodged behind Dahlia, who laughed outright. She pulled out her phone, tapped through to her photos and turned the screen to the human. It was an old picture of Jarlaxle and Artemis, the drow’s head capped with an obnoxiously decorated Santa hat at a jaunty angle, arm sprawled across the human’s shoulder and grinning. The assassin wore a similar plain cap of green and an expression that made it clear he’d be tearing it off the second the photo was taken. The man before her snarled again at the sight and squinted around the woman to glare at the drow.
“Who else have you sent that to?”
Jarlaxle was trying very hard not to laugh from his position hunched behind Dahlia, but it was a losing battle and the elf woman had no plans to help him. She half turned to him with a wicked grin. The drow’s eyes widened dramatically. He mouthed a desperate “No!” to her and started trying to smother her mouth with his hands. She danced merrily out of his reach, turning to Artemis as she did so.
“Drizz’t – he sent it to Drizz’t!”
“You traitor!” Jarlaxle hissed at her, eyeing the assassin even as he began to back slowly away. Artemis took a deep breath, stared up at the sky for a moment, and then looked back to Dahlia. He handed her his cup of coffee.
“Hold this, please. I need to beat Jarlaxle.”
“Certainly!” Dahlia took his coffee and stepped out of the way as he immediately lunged at the drow, who squawked and quick-stepped out of his reach. She sipped happily at the assassin’s drink as the two men began to wrestle. Artemis kept trying to grab Jarlaxle’s hat – presumably to throw it in the canal they’d been walking along – but the drow was doing a fine job of avoiding his grabs.
Neither man was making much effort to fully avoid the café tables scattered along their path though, so the elf woman occupied herself with righting the furniture as the men rampaged through the area. She mused on how unlikely it had once been for Artemis to relax enough around either of them to goof off – even in such a rough fashion – and how glad she was for the change.
Still, Dahlia thought, best not to let it run too long. She knew Jarlaxle would eventually say something to set the assassin off and she didn’t particularly feel like dealing with a real fight. Jogging over to the relatively empty area where the two men had escalated to nearly sparring, she wondered if they’d cease their tussle if she simply asked. She opened her mouth to speak, but immediately paused, remembering a conversation she’d had with Jarlaxle the day before. A grin grew on her face. She set hers and the assassin’s drinks on the canal balustrade near the two and pulled her cell out again, setting it to call both of them at once.
She knew her number was one of the very few in Artemis’s phone that wasn’t silenced so he’d likely at least pause once he heard it, and Jarlaxle was near-religious about promptly checking his calls. She suspected the drow would also take the opportunity to scramble fully out of the other man’s reach.
Within a few seconds, both men’s phones rang out and they each started at the noise. Jarlaxle’s she recognized immediately. He’d set custom ringtones for the people he spoke to most and she’d heard hers before – Blank Space by Taylor Swift, a choice she’d decided to find amusing. Artemis always left his phone at the default, which is why he now looked thoroughly confused at what he was hearing. Dahlia giggled behind them, pleased the drow had gone through with the prank they’d discussed.
The assassin pulled his phone out of his pocket, to stare at it as Jarlaxle began cackling in utter glee. He spread his arms wide as if displaying a grand trick when the human looked up to him, incredulous.
“You changed my ringtone?” The drow shrugged through his laughter, finally silencing his own cell and tucking it back into his pocket.
“Well – it seemed appropriate – you do so love coffee.” He walked wide around the assassin’s reach as he spoke, coming over to Dahlia’s side where she was still chuckling.
“The Folger’s Jingle?!” The drow and the elf both laughed hard at that, leaned against each other for support. Artemis frowned down at his cell as it finally fell silent on its own.
“When did you do this?”
“This morning while you were in the shower.” Jarlaxle wiped a tear from his eye.
“You broke into my apartment.”
“Well – yes.” The drow looked as if he’d suddenly realized how much trouble he might be in, but to Dahlia’s eye the assassin still seemed more nonplussed than angry. Jarlaxle, having only just recently been welcomed back into the human’s presence, was apparently unwilling to risk it and pointed at Dahlia.
“It was her idea.” She tasked at him, shoving at his shoulder.
“All’s fair, my dear.” Jarlaxle wagged a finger at her. The elf grinned and laughed, but made no move to deny it as she stored her cell, picked up the forgotten drinks and handed Artemis his own. She was unconcerned at the potential for retaliation from the human – she knew it would come eventually, but was fully prepared to return the favor and begin the cycle anew. She chuckled at the light frown Artemis had turned on her. It turned into an outright glare as he discovered his cup was now empty. He cocked his head at Dahlia, who sipped from her own and winked at him over the rim.
“Thanks for the coffee.”
